A Thought

At first I thought that to “be myself” meant simply to act the way I feel. I would ask myself a question such as,” What do I want to say to this person?” and very often the answer was surprisingly negative. It seemed that my negative feelings were always the once I noticed first, possibly because of their social unusualness, possibly because I feared having to act them out. However, as I continued practicing I saw that below these were more positive feelings. If I was still long enough to look deeply. The more I attempted to” be me” the more “me’s” I found there were. Now I understand that to be myself means consciously choosing which level of my feelings I am going to respond to and recognizing that , whatever I am feeling, I am always free to think carefully rather than carelessly about myself and those around me. When I am careful about the thoughts I brood on, because thought precedes feeling, circumstances can no longer dictate my mood. But when I think carelessly, my self is “lost in thought”