The Criticism That Hurts The Most

There are two ways of discovering the areas where i fail to see myself:

The first is to acknowledge the qualities in others that irritate me.
The second is acknowleding the comments that have made me defensive

To discover what irritates me, i merely review my latest encounters, but i have more difficulty recognizing when i am defensive.

I can sometimes identify it bye the following syndrome:
I answer quickly.
I feel an urge to say more than i need to.
I explain,try to persuade, and feel impatient when interrupted.
I feel frustrated even if i appear to succeed, as if the damage has already been done.
I am incapable of taking that persons words any way but seriously, this persons words never seemed light in the recent past ( yet when my reaction becomes apparent, the person often takes the situation lightly)

It is afterwards that my defensiveness surfaces ( usually because I have been chewing on what was said) my mental state has these characteristics:

I Think hurriedly.
I Think in circles, replaying the scene and endlessly revising my part.
I look for ways to justify attacking back-never fully admitting my true motive.
And i feel a strong resistance to stopping and implementing a procedure that would change my mental tone..